guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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