I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you inspire me to be a worse person
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
