You're completely useless in the revolution.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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