i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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