please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
