i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
