Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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