the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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