Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
