I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My dick has a subreddit
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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