Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
