The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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