I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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