At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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