i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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