i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
