no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
