Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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