ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
