i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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