The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
