Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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