soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
