I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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