What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
