Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
