Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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