I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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