so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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