The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
