Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
