i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
