why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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