The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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