ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
