k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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