I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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