Joe is yelling at the trees again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
