The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
