dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
