Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
