I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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