Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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