So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
