i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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