i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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