Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
