I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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