My hand turned me down
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need water and some morals
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
