I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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