I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
