It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
