then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
