Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
